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Musings : 9 June 2021

Updated: Jul 26, 2022

I was fretting about today.

So much so I didn’t sleep much.

So did the dreaded ‘5 more minutes’ turn over which turned into an hour. Small win is that I still got up earlier than I have been. So I’ll take it.

It’s my busiest day, Wednesdays, in terms of classes I teach, with a walk starting it off with my Wednesday Walking Warriors. (I ❤️ alliteration) so I opted to try what I believe to be my next life lesson - to maybe not master but at least give it a good-hearted try: meditation or mindfulness (is this really meditate light, I wonder?) 🤔

So into the safe space where reflection is the easiest- the dojo.

We built this as a temple, really.

A place to escape and be our core selves. It’s been more that for Neil lately as he has started back to fighting practice - which funny enough I saw missing in him, not me. A practice where his core strength can come through. After randori (fighting practice) he just beams and I’ve missed seeing him like that. It’s been a long time for him, because once he became World Champion, there was a price on his head. He could never relax as everyone would be out for a scalp. He was always ‘on’, constantly defending his title. Here, he can just be a normal judoka and enjoy his passion in the truest sense.

So that got me thinking, what is that for me? What makes me beam like Neil’s sweaty grin? Unfortunately, and it might be sad for some to hear, it’s not Judo. It’s a job, a job I’m pretty good at and I’m proud of that, but it’s not a passion.

I’ve realised that I’ve been frightened to acknowledge that as it’s been such a huge part of my life and by not making it my be all and end all - that I’ll lose my identity. Through today I’ve started to realise that I can let it go and be comfortable in finding new adventures that aren’t tied to my past achievements.

There was one line in the meditation that stuck with me through to the end (yes! I made it through!)

“Take the energy of the past and the future, and put it into the now” 💡

Ok then…. Let’s take on that day!

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