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Musings : 10 June 2021

My feet hurt.

I believe it’s time for new shoes. To be fair, they have taken a beating over these past two years. However, they no longer give me the support I need.

It got me thinking, as one does on early morning walks, how important support is and that led to thoughts of family and friends. I had to get this morning right as I’m driving down to Devon today to help my father-in-law for the day. I’ve been perplexed by his reaction though, thankful and relieved, I get that, but shocked that I would do it and be there, I don’t get that.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m from rural stock and I guess for me that was the biggest culture shock for me moving to Europe, other than the cheek-to-jowl proximity of living, was the whole keep yourself to yourself attitude. Just lately, I’ve seen a turn by the trending of #bekind .

I do find that a bit sad, that we need to be reminded to be so, never mind making it trendy.

I’ve been the new girl (not once but x5), the “other woman” (even though I wasn’t), the step mum (sliced into my step-son’s life at 15), mum, and now the step-nana (is that a thing? Like a pinch hitter - It’s sort of a floating role I’m thinking?) And it’s been a relatively quick succession of roles. Throw in seat-of-my-pants business woman, and you’ve got a pretty busy life already, post Olympics. And with each role comes a set of support needs. In 18 months I went from Niki Jenkins to ‘Neil’s bird’ to Mrs Adams to step-mum/Mom. So it didn’t leave much time to really settle in to find my place in each. Top that off with my family being across the ocean and Neil’s parents 4 hrs away, there wasn’t any parental support to be had. And I can’t say I’m a girl’s girl (is that the gender equivalent to a man’s man?) I never have been. After a scarring Year 6 of mean girls I’ve kept well away from that circle.

So maybe that’s it….Maybe I don’t scream ‘I need help, please can I get some support here?!’ And it’s most likely why I took to an individual sport - if I lost it was my fault, if I won it was my fault. I’m big on self-responsibility. Too much of this, I’m finding is wearing to the fabric of living, not just life.

So…who wants to help me find some new shoes?

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